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Or maybe the pieces have actually alhumdulillah come together, and you feel ready to get married. What are your options? You scour the web pages of your local masjid for upcoming events. And then there are dating apps. Hadeel will be like an interjecting ghost throughout this article. She just wants somewhere to vent. I was raised thinking that I would graduate college at 22, begin working, and get married soon after. There are outliers of course, exceptions to the rule, but for many women, it might take a little more time.
The months, or years after, however, can be difficult on our self-image, making us wonder if there was something we had done wrong for not having the fairytale at twenty-three, fueled by the comments made to us by other women we know. There are comparisons made between us, unsolicited advice offered, suggestions to reconsider men you had turned down for legitimate reasons. You see, my mother is our local rishtay wali auntie; she is the person people turn to when trying to get their children hitched.
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This copy is for your personal non-commercial use only. The ads would go on to list the age, education level, even racial background of daughters. These ads were printed in magazines aimed primarily at the South Asian diaspora, where the tradition of facilitated introductions and chaperoned courtship were a common way to arrange a marriage. They still happen in some families who want to take a more active role in helping adult kids find their life partners.
Many of my friends experienced some variation of this rishta-proposal process. My husband and I, for example, had a fusion of the traditional and modern. We were introduced by a mutual family friend, my mother was present when we first met, but after that we were left to figure things out on our own, with the understanding that our end goal was marriage. We were engaged within six months.
Seventeen years and a couple kids later, the process worked for us. Of course, that was in ancient times.
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With “spoopy” season coming to a close, we’re quickly approaching the greatest time of year for rishtay wali aunties, or match-making aunties.
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